


façade

by Zimothy



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Skoodge and Zim are ostracized for being short, Zim has a lot of issues, lots of bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zimothy/pseuds/Zimothy
Summary: Skoodge and Zim are the shortest of all the Irken trainees. Zim, who has always shown signs of being what the Irkens call 'defective', shows an entirely different side of himself to only Skoodge. Skoodge navigates through his feelings of how he's treated and his strange friendship with Zim, all well defying all expectations placed on him as a short Irken.
Relationships: Hints of Zasr, Invader Skoodge & Zim
Comments: 13
Kudos: 90





	façade

_“Escape with me to the surface!”_

That was what Zim had said to Skoodge when they were both around ten years old. 

All Irken Smeets were required to live underground. It was a custom since before the era of paks, it was what Irkens did to protect their Smeets from predators. Even after paks had become the dominant brain for Irkens, even after Irkens evolved away from reproducing sexually, smeets were kept underground.

It was less for protection and more just to keep them out of the way, waiting for them to stop being small so they could begin military training. 

What Zim wanted to do was unprecedented, no smeet dared to ever attempt what he was offering…It was so exciting. 

Zim was always filled with outrageous plans, and they didn’t just stay as plans, Zim acted out on them. For such a small Irken, Zim had a lot of big ideas. 

Skoodge secretly loved that about him. 

So Skoodge followed, happy to take orders from someone smaller than him, happy to break the rules, even happy when Zim’s awful plans got him in trouble. 

The two of them saw the surface world before it was plunged into momentary darkness and before the two of them were caught. 

It was terrifying what they did, but no other smeet had done it but them! What a wonderful memory to look back on, no matter how scary…

Skoodge is short, he will always be short, he will always be below those taller than him. 

This is how life in the Irken Empire has always been for Skoodge. 

He was born into this world wrong, but not nearly as wrong as Zim. 

Zim seemed smaller than the average kind of small, he struggled immensely from the very moment he was born, always overreacting, always overly emotional. 

Truly, Skoodge never met anyone like Zim. 

If Skoodge were Zim, he might’ve given up on everything. 

But giving up wasn’t what Zim did, he didn’t understand failure. 

It was inspiring, seeing someone as small as Zim refusing to give up, trying to be his own individual Irken. Zim was a deviant, and for all the trouble Zim often caused…Skoodge couldn’t hate him for it. 

Skoodge was ostracized for his size, his bullying was often lightened when Zim was added in. If everyone hated Zim, then Skoodge was going to be the outlier, Skoodge wanted to be the deviant this time. 

Zim was his companion, as close as an Irken could get to a real friendship.

_“When I’m tallest, things will be different.”_

Zim always claimed that, he didn’t realize how impossible it was. 

He truly didn’t understand how different he was…

“Zim?” Skoodge called out for him into the charging base, a small area for pak maintenance. Irkens often got hurt during training and would need to spend a few hours up to a few days in charging depending on the damage. 

Zim often spent a lot of time in there, not usually by choice. Skoodge was often volunteered by other people to drag Zim to the chargers.

Zim had very good tolerance for physical injuries, often insisting on continuing training with broken bones and a ton of blood loss. He was more resilient than any other trainee, but he was not a physical fighter. He was far more skilled at using other means to get an advantage…

In truth, there was little injury that Zim needed the charger to remedy…He needed the charger for other reasons…

Skoodge wandered around the base, stopping in his tracks as he saw Zim slumped in the farthest corner…No wonder no one could find him. 

“Zim.” Skoodge tried again, leaning down to shake his shoulder, “You aren’t even plugged in…”

He was met with a vacant stare, Zim’s usually bright ruby eyes were notably dull, unseeing. Skoodge took the plug from out of the socket and plugged it into Zim’s upper port, almost immediately Zim sprung to life and glanced around frantically, as if he forgot where he was. 

He turned to Skoodge, see what he did, and immediately pulled the plug out. 

“Zim doesn’t need charging!” He declared. 

“How long have you been here?” Skoodge asked, “Zim, if you glitched out again-“ 

“Eh? What are you talking about?” Zim questioned him right back, “Silly Skoodge, Commander Poki is expecting us.” 

“Yeah I know, she asked me to get you.” Skoodge said. 

Zim’s antennae perked up, “She asked for Zim?”

Skoodge sighed, “Yeah, she asked for you. Before we go, are you sure you’re good?”

“Zim is the goodest good there is!” He exclaimed confidently, hands against his hip. 

Zim always said that. 

So far Skoodge hasn’t found any evidence that Zim remembers when his pak short-circuits. 

Skoodge more often than not referred to them as ‘glitches’ as opposed to short-circuiting, since that was the term the other trainees used. 

‘Defective’ was a term thrown around Zim a lot, but he never connected it to himself. 

When feeling some type of extreme emotion or under a considerable amount of stress, Zim’s pak would overwork itself, a loud mechanical whirring would be audible and not long after Zim would completely black out. 

Not his usual dissociative episodes where he would blank out only momentarily, not at all like the times he would fervently deny and shout over whatever he didn’t agree with, he would just be gone. 

Zim’s personality was far too big for his little pak. 

But Zim’s pak was part of who he was, Skoodge gave him credit where it was due, Zim absolutely outperformed what most people expected out of him, and these events usually didn’t occur in front of too many people. 

It was strange, it was like Zim chose to black out in private as opposed to in public, and yet, not memory seemed to remain. 

Did Zim’s pak not register that it happened? Did his pak delete the memory as Zim’s pak often did during unpleasant moments?

Skoodge didn’t know, but he was worried. 

When they were frequent, Zim was at risk of more severe bullying. 

“Silly Skoodge, what are you standing around for? Follow me!” Zim was eager to re-enter the training grounds. 

All of the trainees were lined up, Skoodge and Zim had no choice but to stand up by the front given their size, if they didn’t there was no way they’re be able to see Commander Poki. This, however, put them in the awkward situation of having to be glared at by everyone who was on time. 

One of the taller Irkens upfront glared down at the two of them, “Did you short-circuit again, Zim?” They asked in a condescending tone. 

“Zim does no such thing.” Zim talked back, completely unfazed. 

Poki had loudly cleared her throat, gathering the attention of all of the trainees.

“Alright!” Poki spoke up, clearly wanting to get their assignment without any more delays, “Today we are sparring. It is important for all Irkens to learn how to handle up close combat without the assistance of paks. The weapon you will all be using is this spear.”

Poki held up a long stick, the ends of it were lined with a rubber-like substance which was likely there to absorb impact. 

The spear was huge…Easy to use for a normal-sized Irken, but for Skoodge and Zim…

Dammit, the weapons Poki chose were never usable for smaller Irkens. The elites basically said ‘too bad, you’re too small and we won’t accommodate you.’ 

“I will be assigning your sparring partners.” Poki announced, “Zee you’re with Krunk, Alexovich you’re with El…”

Skoodge listened to the list as it droned on, dreading who he would be forced to deal with, and what array of insults he’d be greeted with. 

She finished the list off with him and Zim, “Skoodge you’re with Grapa, and Zim you’re with Purple. Hop to it!” 

Purple audibly scoffed, “Really? I have to be with him?”

Red, who was often by Purple’s side, leaned over and whispered obnoxiously and purposefully loud, “It’ll be easy.” 

Skoodge saw Zim eagerly skip over to where Purple and Red stood, excitedly droning on about something that Purple and Red clearly weren’t listening to. 

Zim had tried to befriend those two since they were all smeets. Purple and Red were slightly older, and they were always together, Zim probably wanted companionship like that. He didn’t realize that Purple and Red hung out together because they both viewed themselves as better than everyone else. 

Skoodge turned to his opponent. Grapa was fortunate to be born tall, easily towering over the rest of the trainees. 

“Hey, I can go easy on you if you want?” Grapa approached him with an offer, the training spear fit easily in his hands, “I still want to win though.” 

“You don’t have to go easy on me because I don’t need it.” Skoodge reached for the spear. He couldn’t hold it properly like everyone else, it was too tall. Instead of letting it hang over his shoulder like most everyone else, Skoodge held it in both his hands. 

He was about to take a page out of Zim’s book, the differences between small Irkens and ‘normal’ Irkens were such bullshit, Skoodge would have to find an advantage for himself. 

Grapa swung at him and Skoodge used the entirety of the spear’s long rod to deflect it. 

Grapa continued to try to hit him at different angles and Skoodge continued to deflect it as best he could, sometimes having to angle one end of the spear into the ground to cover his top. 

He was nearly knocked back but was saved by putting all of his weight onto his grounded spear, maneuvering self back up. He hit Grapa’s side, but Grapa still stood tall and mostly unaffected, only staggering backward by a little bit. 

Grapa was angered at Skoodge’s competency and became more erratic in his fighting technic, throwing multiple attacks at Skoodge in a frenzy, just trying to knock him over, trying to ‘put Skoodge in his place.’ 

In short, he had become sloppy. This was Skoodge’s chance. 

Skoodge heaved the spear up and over him, crashing it down hard against Grapa. The taller Irken lost his balance and came crashing down.  
Skoodge heaved the spear over his head in victory…But no one was looking. 

Commander Poki wasn’t even watching them, her gaze was fixed on the other trainees. 

Grapa angrily tackled Skoodge down, not at all abiding to the rules of not using his pak. Grapa extended his pak legs and dug them into the ground below him, lifting himself up to appear taller, the usual intimidation trick. 

If Grapa wasn’t playing by the rules, Skoodge wouldn’t either. 

Skoodge launched himself up with his own pak legs, nailing a calculated blow to the squeedlyspooch. A kick hard enough to make any Irken need a break for breath, but not enough to pierce the skin or cause any real damage. 

His fellow trainees tended to underestimate how much attention Skoodge had paid to lessons on disabling an Irken opponent. 

Grapa fell, holding onto his body and coughing, completely unable to continue fighting. 

“Skoodge, what was that?” Poki questioned, now her sights were set all on him, standing over a taller Irken who was writhing on the ground in pain. 

“I said only use spears, there’s a reason why I implement this kind of training. What if your pak is disabled? You can’t just rely on off-handed tactics.” Poki lectured him. 

“He used his pak first!” Skoodge made a feeble attempt at defending himself, he should have known it wouldn’t have worked. 

As soon as Grapa managed to stand up, the differences between them became unavoidable. 

Grapa was tall, Skoodge was not. 

“Grapa, you’re onto the next round. Skoodge, go sit out.” Poki had decided who she believed in more, she opted for the taller Irken, because of course she would…Who wouldn’t…

Grapa bumped into him on purpose as Skoodge retreated to sit by the rocks, he saw the smug look on the taller Irkens face and felt the desire the disappear, to hide himself away like the little bug he was, the little bug that everyone viewed him as. 

It was an isolating feeling, to be labeled off as someone untrustworthy due to just one small factor, but this was how society was and who was he to question it. 

There was no doubt in his mind, he was going to move past this. He was going to conquer this part of his life and move on to be a great soldier or even an invader. 

No one could stop him from serving this empire in whatever way he could. People had it worse than him, he could be a service drone…Someone so small they are whisked off to carry tables or other objects around on their heads, worth about as much as a piece of furniture. 

He could be Zim…The smallest trainee…

Skoodge tried not to have too much pity for Zim, after all, Zim was a lot like Skoodge himself. He didn’t want to give up either, he wanted to give everything his all, Skoodge could see that… 

But Zim was different, everyone seemed to know that except Zim himself. 

Skoodge eyes drifted towards Zim’s sparring match with Purple, still continuing despite all odds. 

Zim looked especially tiny compared to the big spear he struggled to hold, but Zim was calculated and tactical on his good days, he was doing what Skoodge had done earlier, using the spear’s weight to balance himself during the fight. 

It seemed Purple had gotten frustrated that he couldn’t knock Zim down much like how Grapa got, except Purple reacted in a much harsher way. 

“You can’t even land a proper hit on me! Huh? _Huh?”_ Purple taunted, throwing multiple hits at Zim as he did, “You’re a defective! You’re made wrong! You’ll never do anything right!”

He tripped Zim, stuck his long leg out and caused Zim to tumble to the ground, stuck under the spear’s weight. Then Purple continued to hit Zim, the rubber part of the spear that was supposed to protect the trainees from getting too hurt was now causing Zim’s face to bruise as Purple just would not stop. 

It went on for far too long, Skoodge was getting anxious just watching. 

Why wasn’t Poki paying attention? Did she just not care about the sparring the shorter Irkens were doing?

Skoodge sat in agonizing silence, his claws clenched up into fists. It wasn’t until he saw a small pool of pink blood beginning to form by Zim’s head that he stood up and shouted as loud as he could, “PURPLE STOP IT! HE’S DOWN!”

He opened his eyes and looked around at the crowd of trainees, they had all stopped their sparring and were staring at him. 

“Purple, you’re onto the next round.” Poki spoke up, “Skoodge, come over here.”

Skoodge walked past all the judgmental glares he received and joined Poki over to where Zim lay. 

Zim had rolled over onto his front and was hiding his face. Before Skoodge could check on him, Poki placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“That was a good call you made. Can I trust you to take him back to charging base?” She asked. 

“You can always count on me.” Skoodge said, the compliment felt good but it was misplaced, he knew that she only trusted him with Zim because he would be the only one to get him to the charging base safely. Any one else would probably just toss Zim in there without a second glance. 

Poki left and shouted at the trainees to continue. 

Skoodge knelt down to Zim, “Come on, let me see.” He said quietly. 

Zim shook his head and let out a displeased noise. 

“We’re going to the charging base, no one else has to see but me.” Skoodge tried again, Zim still wasn’t budging. 

Skoodge placed his hands firmly against Zim’s shoulders and heaved him up. Now that Zim was standing up, he could clearly see the damage Purple had done in just a short period of time. 

Zim had a bleeding cut by his top right temple, his blood had spilled right down his face and dripped onto his uniform. He had bruising by his eyes and cheeks. 

He looked miserable, and he hung his head low, refusing to say a word. 

“Let’s go back.” Skoodge took Zim’s arm as gingerly as he could, he felt a twinge of guilt as a pained sound emitted from Zim.

The walk back to the charging base felt agonizingly long, and still Zim didn’t say anything. 

There was no rebuttal to what had happened, no avoidance of failure, no claim of confidence or superiority…He was just quiet. 

Zim was never quiet for very long. 

He had a wide array of various verbal tics that often annoyed the other trainees. No one really understood why he spoke in third person from time to time, or why he always had to be humming some tune when he was working. 

Irkens would yell at him to shut up, and he would scowl and continue on humming to himself. 

The door to the base automatically opened and Skoodge instinctually led Zim to the back. 

He helped sit Zim down by the bench as he turned to take out the necessary cords, Zim would need at least three, one for each port, to get rid of the damage quickly enough so he wouldn’t fall behind. 

Then he heard a sound…

Zim had let out a series of stifled cries, like he was trying desperately to hold back the terrible feelings that would not stop pouring out. 

“Zim?” He asked tentatively, and that set Zim off. 

Zim grabbed at both his antenna and yanked at them, pulling them as far down as his chin and he sobbed. 

Skoodge immediately dropped everything and rushed to face Zim, he knelt down, grabbing at Zim’s hands and trying to get him to stop. 

“Let go, you’re hurting yourself!” Skoodge shouted. 

Zim’s grip was tough but eventually he released his antennae. They bounced back to their usual place at the top of Zim’s head but seemed crooked. Either Zim truly had enough of the pain he was inflicting on himself or his crying had debilitated him. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks like waterfalls, they just weren’t stopping. 

“How long have you wanted to cry like this?” Skoodge asked him, “Have you been holding it all in this whole time?” 

Zim was too busy choking on his own sobs to reply. 

Irkens rarely showed extreme emotions, Zim had always been an exception for that. 

Zim always tried to act professional at all times, he tried to make it seem like nothing bothered him but Skoodge knew that behind that façade was a little Irken deeply hurt at how badly everyone treated him. 

How it must have hurt to be told that nothing he ever does is right, to be constantly looked down upon, to be beaten brutally with their commander not even batting an eye. 

Zim, who had always made it a point to never look vulnerable in front of anyone, was bawling his eyes out, his sobs were deep and painful, he was barely taking in any air. 

“It’s okay, I know it sucks. It isn’t fair, but that just means you and I have to work harder to get what we deserve.” Skoodge tried once more, “Because we worked harder, we’re going to come out on top. Isn’t that right?”

He was wrong. 

Why was he trying to convince Zim of some shit that isn’t true. 

Even if he and Zim were to get good positions, they were still at a disadvantage, they were still at risk of getting overshadowed and ostracized. 

Zim was always the one confident in himself and his future, if he was breaking now, there was no way Skoodge could change any of that. 

“W-Why is Z-Zim wrong?” Zim managed to stutter out a few words. 

“You aren’t wrong.” Skoodge assured him, but Zim shook his head. 

“You’re an awful liar.” He accused Skoodge.

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and Zim took that silence as evidence of Skoodge’s supposed lies. He curled into himself, hugging his knees, his crying muffled. 

Skoodge moved to sit next to him, rubbing a hand on Zim’s back. 

Irkens weren’t meant to be comforting, Skoodge actually had no idea what he was doing. He heard that other species found it calming so he tried the best he could. 

“Zim should’ve been deactivated…” Zim said quietly, practically whispering. 

“Why?” Skoodge asked. 

“I’m…Not correct. I’m wrong.” Zim struggled to put his feelings into words. 

“What do you mean by that?” Skoodge continued to question him, hoping the old Zim would bounce right back and continue on to fuel his own ego. 

“There’s too much wrong with me, I ruin everything I touch. I don’t know what these Irkens want from me. I don’t know how to please the empire…” Zim continued on his rant, he lacked his usual energy, now he was just listing out his wrongdoings like he was about to be executed. 

“I’m tired, I want things to be better. I want to be better.” Zim said, peeking out of his hiding to look at Skoodge. 

“It will, didn’t you say you wanted to be tallest one day?” Skoodge tried to remind Zim of his old passionate self. 

Zim looked downcast, “If I was tallest, things would be different. Things would be better.” 

If Zim was tallest, maybe he’d change the way their society worked. Maybe he would end the needless discrimination of short Irkens…But that was just an impossible dream. Only tall people had power, and Zim was very small. 

Zim knew this. 

He knew it all along, he just never want to admit it to anyone. 

This wasn’t a sudden crack of his character. 

Zim probably felt this way for a long time but covered it up with his ego and other manic behaviors. 

He tricked everyone, even Skoodge. 

“Zim…Do you know about your pak?” Skoodge asked, “Like, do you know how sometimes it…” 

Skoodge looked down, Zim’s eyes were closed and his breathing was even. He was asleep on Skoodge’s shoulder, utterly exhausted by his breakdown. 

This wasn’t normal for an Irken. 

Irkens usually never tired themselves out from showing extreme emotions. But then again, Irkens rarely showed much emotion at all. 

Once again, Zim was different. 

Skoodge was careful as he reached for the cords behind him, plugging Zim up and then choosing to stay where he was. 

He sat there, Zim up against his shoulder, and he valued the sereneness of the quiet surrounding them. 

Training would go on without them, Poki had probably already forgotten she sent them away. 

Was this what it felt like to be there for a friend? 

Is this what a friendship was? 

There were a lot of things that other species had that Irkens lacked.  
It made Skoodge almost wary of his allegiance to the empire. But he wasn’t bold enough to defect from it, he was Irken after all, he was born into this and he would die with it as well. 

Zim would’ve probably been better off if he wasn’t born an Irken. 

But maybe, just maybe, Zim would lead on a different kind of life. A life that went against everything the Irken Empire created them to be. 

If that happened, then maybe Skoodge would follow him, just as he had followed Zim out to the surface when they were smeets…

After an hour of so, Zim awoke and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He seemed a bit disoriented from his sudden nap, but then his antennae perked up when he saw Skoodge next to him. 

“Hey.” Skoodge greeted him, “You feeling better now?”

“Yes, Zim feels adequate.” Zim stood up, he was pulled back by the cords attached to him and he yanked them out. 

“I don’t know what Commander Poki and the rest of the trainees moved onto, but I’m sure we’ll find them, if you’re up for it.” Skoodge said. 

“Of course I’m up for it!” Zim seemed to have his pep back, his face had healed up from his previous injuries and it looked as though it had never happened in the first place. 

Zim was ready to march off, but Skoodge stopped him by grabbing his arm, “Do you remember crying?” He asked. 

It was a strange thing to ask, but he had to know. 

Zim gave him an unreadable look. 

“I haven’t cried, Skoodge. Irkens don’t cry, you’re being silly.” Zim said, quick to shake it off as it was nothing, “Come now, you don’t want to fall behind!”

Skoodge really couldn’t tell if the memory of his breakdown was truly gone…Or if Zim feigned ignorance towards it. 

Maybe Skoodge was wrong about Zim, maybe Zim was aware that he was different and he just pretended not to know in hopes that it wouldn’t bother him. Maybe he knew he was defective and in a desperate attempt to feel normal, denied absolutely everything regarding it…

Or maybe Zim’s pak had wiped the memory clean away… 

There was no way for Skoodge to truly know. 

Zim was a complicated character, but he was Skoodge’s one and only friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Does Zim actually remember his breakdown or did he genuinely forget? The answer is how you interpreted it. 
> 
> In all honesty, even as I wrote this I don't even know. As someone who has suffered breakdowns myself, it's always a strange distant memory that is not clear. I know it happened, but it's hard to remember the context.
> 
> Anyways, I love Skoodge and Zim and they deserve the world.
> 
> (Ps. Grapa is actually the Irken who ends up taking the credit for Skoodge's conquer of Blorch...Very ironic)


End file.
